Elvis and I call up Cadillac dealerships all night long, suckin' down Ny Quil stingers and cheese. He says, what the hell's Lisa Marie thinking with that Michael Jackson crap?

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

Life Sucks,get a helmet

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?

Crisis doesn't create character; it reveals it.

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.

What firefighters, and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do, basically these people say "I'm going to protect all these strangers."

When you're a kid you have these notions about how things are going to be.... You get a little older and you pull back on some of that. I think you wind up just tryin to minimize the pain.

Is the power who is jealous of our prosperity, a proper power to govern us?

Dying is almost the least spiritual of our acts, more strictly carnal even than the act of love. There are Death Agonies that are like the strainings of the Costive at stool.

It's important to me that people can associate being different with being beautiful.

It's just a goatee. That sounds kind of weird. A soul patch? I don't know how 'soul' it is.

Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one.

I am beneath or above no one. When I am independent of the good or bad opinion of others, I stand strong in my own divine power.

Be yourself. Play within yourself. Play your own game.

There is certainly an underrepresentation of Asian Pacific Islanders in professional sports/athletics.

I went through every phone book in Africa, and I didn't find one god damned Pryor!