Elvis saved my life when I was 13 or 14. He saved all our lives.

I believe in the separation of church and planet.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have.

Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it.

Never do things for money. It's always the things you do for love that turn out to pay the best.

Life has a very simple plot: first you're here and then you're not.

I've got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.

Selfish Apologies Aren’t Apologies at All

I looked up, it was the first drop of rain.Tearing through the clouds, screaming as it did.For all this effort, it had to head towards the drain, So I looked up and caught it in my eye instead.

I live, therefore I make films. I make film, therefore I live. Life. Movement. I make home movies, therefore I live. I live, therefore I make home movies.

I'll continue to make the typical Adam Sandler comedies.

There are some decision-makers in the world whose version of sanity is a little different from what I consider the right one.

As hard as you try to write a good script and you have great intentions, this alchemy has to occur.

Structure is, for me, the most fun challenge about writing novels.

Mountains of gold would not seduce some men, yet flattery would break them down.

I think that it's good for us to be able to travel in space and do research in space, and I emphasize the research, because space travel to me is far more than just seeing how far we can go.

I've seen every highway in the United States, and they all look alike to me.