Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

The Way of the Sufis cannot be understood by means of the intellect or by ordinary book learning.

I respect the decision of others. But I retain my own deductions.

Suffering occurs when love's two hands pull your soul in two directions.

A misleading impression not a lie. It was being economical with the truth.

Martha Stewart is extremely talented. Her designs are picture perfect. Our philosophy is life is messy, and rather than being afraid of those messes we design products that work the way we live.

To the good warrior soundeth "thou shalt" pleasanter than "I will." And all that is dear unto you, ye shall first have it commanded unto you.

Hopefully, I have a certain amount of what you call musical talent.

Long live the sun which gives us such beautiful color.

Memory: what wonders it performs in preserving and storing up things gone by - or rather, things that are

A country should be defended not by arms, but by ethical behavior.