Ending a sentence with yo, is like saying, I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever. Know what I mean yo?

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Lo que sabemos es una gota de agua

Some people are lucky to find love, others must settle with being liked...

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

There is no news industry.

We can choose to humble ourselves by conquering enmity toward our brothers and sisters, esteeming them as ourselves, and lifting them as high or higher than we are. . . .

My favorite animal is the mule. He has more horse sense than a horse. He knows when to stop eating - and he knows when to stop working.

Life can't be cured, but it can be managed.

No God is needed, no heaven and hell are needed. All that is needed is a simple understanding that mind is the source of negativities.

That's what I want to be when I grow up, just a peaceful wreck holding hands with other peaceful wrecks.

The ability to choose is at the essential core of our grandeur. Even evil exists because God respects our ability to choose.