Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

You think knowing things will solve your private little griefs?

Humans by nature are promiscuous. Loyalty is an aberration!

I like Thailand, and I love coming to Asia with the whole vibe, food, temperature, and climate.

A painting probably is the most shocking increase in value, from what it costs to make to what you sell it for.

He bowed. 'The young lady must not dance alone.

Transient are conditioned things. Try to accomplish your aim with diligence.

My insides still turn over when he looks at me that certain way.

real misery delights not in reproaches and complaints. It is like charity and love - silent, long suffering and mild.

Learning about the intellectual basis for Christianity bolsters the faith of Christians-espe cially those who may be experiencing doubts-and prepares them to share Christ with others.

Come on, let's go. Crazy people do crazy things.