Epitaph n: an inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

I like to set my dreams high. That way, even if I only make it half way there, it's still pretty darned good.

Natural isn't the same as right. Normal isn't the same as moral. Everyone deserves a say in what happens to the world.

The idea of love horrified me, and I knew I couldn't have it, so I didn't want it.

It's always wonderful to get to know women, with the mystery and the joy and the depth. If you can make a woman laugh, you're seeing the most beautiful thing on God's Earth.

And plenty makes us poor.

It is high time the ideal of success should be replaced with the ideal of service.

Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.

Man today being concerned with production and consumption as ends in themselves, has very little engergy time to devote himself to the true religious experience.

What are prophecies? Don't we hear them every day of the week? And if one comes true there may be seven blind and come to nothing.

Great blunders are often made, like large ropes, of a multitude of fibres.