Equations are the devil's sentences.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

I believe that people who are devoutly religious, within any specific religion, have no true respect for the ultimate vastness that is God.

Success won’t happen overnight

Perhaps you forgave him too much, but who among us would not wish to be so generously loved and generously forgiven?

What seeds are you planting?

To insist on purity is to baptize instinct, to humanize art, and to deify personality.

There's not much to say about acting but this. Never settle back on your heels. Never relax. If you relax, the audience relaxes. And always mean everything you say.

Our spirituality lies in wholeness.

Machiavelli's teaching would hardly have stood the test of Parliamentary government, for public discussion demands at least the profession of good faith.

When we experience stress, the nervous system tries to control things. Part of waking up is discovering what we are beyond that controlling organism.

Keep going until your efforts start to make things better in your hometown.