Essentially, retweets are like laughs.

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

I'm accustomed to toxicity and can’t control myself when I’m near it.

You can't see the light without darkness, take a look at the dark side of another point of view, you will find the meaning of darkness are essentially

A lot of lip service gets paid to being honest, but no one really wants to hear it unless what's being said is the party line.

Who can believe in illusion even if we all live the Illusion of Life?

Mathematics exists solely for the honour of the human mind.

We may be together for another six months—a year—there’s no knowing. At the end we’re certain to be apart. Do you realize how utterly alone we shall be?

It was the whole Trinity, which at the beginning of creation said, "Let us make man". It was the whole Trinity again, which at the beginning of the Gospel seemed to say, "Let us save man".

It goes without saying that a fine short poem can have the resonance and depth of an entire novel.

Put it out of the power of truth to give you an ill character. If anybody reports you not to be an honest man let your practice give him the lie.

Everything is about your movements and precision and timing, which is what gymnastics is about.