Essentially, there is no media, folks. There just isn't any media in the sense that there are reporters out there uncovering things you and I don't know and telling us what they are.

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

As long as ignorance and misery exist in the world, books like the one you are about to read are, perhaps, not entirely useless

I believe that things we cry over because they are lost, can never be compared to things we will receive because of our loses. God is a great restorer!

Starting out to make money is the greatest mistake in life. Do what you feel you have a flair for doing and if you are good enough at it the money will come.

My mother was very funny. My dad had a great sense of humor. My grandmother, too.

I'm not going to jump out of airplanes or anything like someone else I know.

They kind of look like evil lawn gnomes

I only know that it was, and ceased to be; and that I have written, and there I leave it.

Basically we should stop doing those things that are destructive to the environment, other creatures, and ourselves and figure out new ways of existing.

I'm tender when I need to be. I'm tough when I should to be.

The habit of looking on the bright side of every event is worth more than a thousand pounds a year.