Eugene's got a fake ID, and he actually gets away with using it because he looks like he's thirty-six, thanks to his devotion to tasseled shoes and his ridiculous carpet of chest hair.

We are in a boy recession, " Eugene repeats. "There's been a sudden, drastic decrease in the male population at this school. And I'm gonna take advantage of it.

My love life couldn't be more nonexistent if Julius was all all-girls' boarding school with a moat full of alligators around it.

Great. Darcy is the ruler of our school. Prety soon, Julius is going to be like Singapore - you'll get a $500 fine for chewing gum or making out in the hallways.

I could kiss that girl. And ya know what? I will kiss that girl. As soon as I get back to school, I'm gonna grab her, and I'm gonna kiss her.

I've been asking around to find out what girls are into, " Eugene tells me, really pleased with himself. "So I'm gonna get a spray tan and make red-velvet cupcakes.

Is this base? Is this base?

In the whole history of the world there is but one thing that money cannot buy...to wit--the wag of a dog's tail.

I have this theory that the likeability question comes up so much more with female characters created by female authors than it does with male characters and male authors

We don't have stomachs for the things of this world because we have feasted on the goodness of our God.

Lord Bath used to say of women, who are apt to say that they will follow their own judgment, that they could not follow a worse guide.

For my part, I do not feel that the scheme of future happiness, which ought by rights to be in preparation for me, will be at all interfered with by my not meeting again the man I have in my. mind.

I'm a former bulimic myself and it's a horrible, horrible addiction.

There is no history, only histories.

Inflation is the true opium of the people and it is administered to them by anticapitalist governments and parties.

Sink twice before you strike out for land.

I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.