Even I realized that money was to politicians what the eucalyptus tree is to koala bears: food, water, shelter, and something to crap on.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

You burn bright and you burn hard, like a fire in a dumpster, and nobody is so worriedabout you burning as they are worried about the fire spreading.

The teaching of Jesus Christ has as its central theme unfoldment towards a realization of immortality.

Reading to me has always been like having a conversation with people who wouldn’t ask me any personal questions. Instead, they open up their own hearts and tell their secrets to me.

Frankly, you need to get over yourself. It might sound harsh, but that's seriously what it means [1 Corinthians 10:31].

When I dance, I look like I'm a dad at a prom. I never grasped my limbs. Ever since puberty I've just kind of felt like we don't understand each other.

Well, we have this place in Telluride, Colorado. Its somewhere I can just get away and relax and think.

What was more brutal than loss of hope?

No... a novel is a long business. I'm a slow writer, even when I'm doing very well I write slowly.

Honestly, I feel really grateful for everything.

A guitarist or a drummer can get a cold and still play; I get a cold and sound like a wet mitten trying to sing you a love song. Charming.