Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums.

Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

I’m an entrepreneur at heart, I’m not afraid of starting up, starting over or even failing for that matter, because the fact that I try new things in itself is a victory.

Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.

Your duty is to treat everybody with love as a manifestation of the Lord.

It is a grand thing to rise in the world. The ambition to do so is the very salt of the earth. It is the parent of all enterprise, and the cause of all improvement.

He is courageous who endures and fears the right thing, for the right motive, in the right way and at the right times.

Why would people have confidence in a female director when there are so few?

He wasn't very lovable but he was bloody efficient. (Packer talking about Genghis Khan)

We used to call it recurrent airplay when someone had a hit

I will always be there in the wings saying, 'You need to be good to people. You need to take your work seriously. You need to have integrity. You need to work with what you've got.

It's important for people to try and be more like Marco Polo in how he explored the world, very few of us nowadays pay attention to cultures and try to understand them.