Even the best psychiatrist is like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant foam "We're #1" finger.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

This must be Thursday, ' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

I wrestled through many sleepless nights after God became real to me. I can only describe this period of my life as 2 years of mental agony.

Whatever it is that isn't uplifting or educating your mind, surely doesn't deserve a moment of shelter in it.

Each of us is equally valued in the eyes of the Lord.

If you’re still poor at 35, you deserve it.

One in seven Americans lives without health insurance, and that's a truly staggering figure.

I think it's really important to always own up to the things that you're not good at and the feelings that you have which are ugly.

The Word of God spoke into the dry bones. His breath filled them, put tendons (repair), and put skin on...Then you will know I am God...When Jesus comes that will happen.

At least she had a clear picture of what the Lying Game was now: Girl Scouts for psychopaths.

If you insist, how can I resist?