Even the plants in Arizona wanted to hurt you.

Peacocks have the bright feathers. Fish have the long tails. Women have the mall.

Happy is entirely up to you and always has been.

The key to happiness - as any good fairy godmother will tell you - is not to avoid problems, but to overcome them.

What was God thinking when he created a guy this handsome? He wasn't a gift to womankind, he was a torture device.

Sometimes love not only lifts you to the ceiling, it also keeps your eyes there.

I don't care what you Yanks say, cheese should not whiz.

Beauty has a persuasive power all its own.

Many perfumes promise to lure men to women. None of them smell of motherhood. None of them proclaim the wearer to be tidy, thrifty, and sensible.

You need to be more careful, or you could hurt yourself.

I didn't bother to explain about the glitter in my hair. I figured they could think it was a family trait. We all glittered, just like the Cullens in Twilight.

Public instruction should be the first object of government.

My grandson sees me as Lois on TV every Christmas, and that scores me points.

Fire hath its force abated by water, not by wind; and anger must be allayed by cold words, and not by blustering threats.

The nastiness of women [in the 14th century] was generally perceived at the close of life when a man began to worry about hell, and his sexual desire in any case fading.

Moses became Americas true founding father because he evangelized action; he justified risk. He gave ordinary people the courage to live with uncertainty.

The best years of a man's life are after he is forty. A man at forty has ceased to hunt the moon.

Jealousy is the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.

The only point in making money is, you can tell some big shot where to go.

Somewhere between the time you arrive and the time you go may lie a reason you were alive, but you'll never know.

Artists with serious aspirations need to be left alone to follow the course of their own imagination.