Even the worst comic is at least somewhat entertaining, if only in a pathological way, for five minutes.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

The pendulum swings between Light and Darkness

Wearing the same shirts doesn't make a team.

People never like me and I never like people," she thought. "And I never can talk as the Crawford children could. They were always talking and laughing and making noises.

People ask me how come you've been around so long. Well, it's through playing the part of Mr Average Joe American.

It must be hard to be a female in a David Mackenzie movie. I feel like women in his films are portrayed a certain way - like broken people.

If we had the courage to love we would not so value these acts of war.

I'm trying to decide whether to be happy or sad. We have to be better than this or we will struggle.

It's only been a couple of times in my life that I've really locked horns with actors. It did not hurt the films, it just hurt the moment of the filmmaking.

Use the Internet to get off the Internet!

I know how big Blink are and I know the legacy with it and everything, but Angels & Airwaves, to my heart and to the people who like it, this is the release of my life.