Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

I was always the last woman on the last down elevator as the store was closing.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

The heart smiles when the soul shines.

It is a pity that we cannot persuade all ministers to be men, for it is hard to see how other was they can be truly men of God.

Happiness is the ultimate purpose of all purposes of life.

I was angry with my friend: I told my wrath my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe: I told it not my wrath did grow.

Thinking of a series of dreams Where the time and the tempo fly And there's no exit in any direction 'Cept the one that you can't see with your eyes

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

The majority of business men are not capable of an original thought, simply because they cannot escape the tyranny of reason.

Innocence is ashamed of nothing.

I like my stuff 'cause I only ever end up with tracks that I really, really like. It always appeals to me.

If the dreams of any so-called normal man were exposed ... there would be no more gravity and dignity left for mankind.