Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

I tried out for 'Jeopardy' once, when they came to Cleveland, but I didn't make it.

If they do kill me, I shall never die another death.

He that is rich is wise.

America will be a prosperous, generous, and inclusive society.

If the day comes when you would find me again, give that coin to any man from Braavos, and say these words to him--valar morghulis.

Opportunities will be available to you that you cannot imagine.

Nobody doubts my partisanship, but a lot of the activity is nonpartisan.

God created two acts of folly. First, He created the Universe in a Big Bang. Second, He was negligent enough to leave behind evidence for this act, in the form of microwave radiation.

Sir! Men who desert their comrades in war deserve to be shot! And Officers who intrude for them deserve to be hung!

Oh yeah, our first tour in Europe they wouldn't give me the time off from work.

By translating their inner turmoil or understanding into art, artists challenge the accepted notions of reality and create new ones.