Eventually, somewhere - be it on the Internet or somewhere else - I will host some version of 'The Daily Show.'

I don't mind not being cool; I wear a cardigan.

If you want something Scottish, go get yourself a kilt.

I went to China for a brief working visit, and I thought that Shanghai was interesting, but Beijing totally grabbed me.

I realised that to compare your insides with other people's outsides leads to unhappiness.

Christians, you and your churches don't get to be millionaires while other people have nothing at all. They're your bloody rules! Either stick to them or abandon the faith.

I have learnt that I am incapable of packing the right amount of clothing, probably because I start 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and that I truly hate airports.

I find myself by default an atheist but fairly unhappily so. It would be bloody marvelous if there was a god.

I'm more pompous and self-assured and determined that if - you know - if the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed.

My purist comedy friends accuse me of being a Jack of all trades and master of none.

If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past, but by the love we're not extending in the present.

Her dad turned to me. "You. Follow Me.""Woof, " I said.

Pink is female - but why? Are girls any more pink than boys? Are boys any more blue than girls? It's something that has been sold to us, mostly so other things can be sold to us.

Kings do with men as with pieces of money; they give them what value they please, and we are obliged to receive them at their current and not at their real value.

Our actions are like the terminations of verses, which we rhyme as we please.

The irony is that you can't use real rain to make movies.

We do not know what God is. God Himself does not know what He is because He is not anything. Literally God is not, because He transcends being.

There isn't a single business where anybody feels secure.

The good news is we have the technology and the tools to alleviate poverty on a global scale. All that is standing in our way is education and will.

Somebody's going to wake up and their job in life is going to be to make guitars. There are a lot of good, talented people.