Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman's punishment has been to supply a man with food then suffer the consequences when it disagrees with him.

A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

They were Archer's second set of children an d paragons of contemporary teenage cynicism. They enjoyed setting fire to the tails of tender thoughts.

Let God create in you His masterpiece. He will make you truly different and joyfully weird.

Treat all fairly or they will seek revenge.

I don't want to hide. I want to slow dance with you again. I want to dance with you forever.

No one starts out with the answers. You figure them out as you go and you learn from the people who figured them out before you.

The major challenge for the United States is whether it can become the first outward-looking, continental, nonimperialist power in history.

Ignorance is not lack of intelligence, nor knowledge a proof of genius.

You may not get what you paid for, but you will pay for what you get.

Freedom of speech doesn't guarantee great literature.

On the bat’s back I do fly After summer merrily.