Every July, I look forward to taping a Christmas show - in July in Nashville. In 98-degree weather. I love it.

Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling

Sometimes you've gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck.

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license.

I ALWAYS HAVE DONE WELL HOWEVER IN BLUE STATES AND RED STATES. IVE NEVER REALLY ALIGNED MYSELF WITH ALL THAT RED STATE BLUE STATE DR. SUESS CRAP BECAUSE WERE ALL AMERICANS AND WE ALL LIKE TO LAUGH.

I enjoy hunting, but if I had my choice to go deer hunting or bass fishing, I'd take bass fishing any day of the week. I enjoy both of them, but yeah, I'm a very outdoorsy guy.

So Jesus in the throes of his Passion is an image of hope: God is on the side of those who suffer.

Our experience is coloured through and through by books and plays and the cinema, and it takes patience and skill to disentangle the things we have really learned from life for ourselves.

Sometimes we want to believe something so badly that we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of.

Man's security comes from within himself.

Slice open one of my veins and cartoons will pour out; open another vein and you'll get a flood of motor oil.

The call of the gospel is for the church to implement the victory of God in the world through suffering love.

I'm not getting to heaven on my integrity. I'm not getting to heaven on my goodness.

What's hard, it seems, is living up to the expectations Democracy imposes upon those who would participate in society.

This is one of the great social functions of science - to free people from superstition

I think it would be a threat [Donald's Trump presidency] to the conduct of our foreign policy and our position in the world at large.