Every Naval vessel has a contingent of Marines aboard. After all, the Sailors have to have someone to dance with.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Who are you and how did you get in here?" "I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.

Art forms that appeal to [leftists] tend to focus on ... defeat and despair ... as if there were no hope of accomplishing anything through rational calculation.

If u know, Chess is the game that teach u about defense not strike.Enjoy ur tempo and win the game!

Some jobs are so dirty you can only send in someone who has the finely honed hatred of liberals acquired at elite universities to do them.

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. Attitude is almost more important than what happens to you.

If this world could only grasp the power of forgiveness. Being able to forgive someone breaks the cycle of bitterness and vengeance

I live alone with my one dog and they say it like it's a sad, it's a terrible thing. This woman lives alone with her two cats.

I really dont go out at all; I just stay at home and watch movies and skateboard around the house.

What most of us are after, when we have a picture taken, is a good natural-looking picture that doesn't resemble us.

We have to distrust each other. It is our only defense against betrayal.