Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Poetry is a never ending journey.

Choice of attention to pay attention to this and ignore that is to the inner life what choice of action is to the outer.

My dad used to call me 'the human pretzel' because I was able to bend my body, and because my legs are very long.

What is not hereditary cannot be permanent.

At 50, don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up. Happy 50th birthday.

Everything I've done in my career has started in and around Detroit, you know, the metro area and Michigan.

We can deal with Russia on counterterrorism. We have and I think we are right now. That's easy.

There's more danger in the violence you don't face.

Love is two minds without a single thought.

The fish only knows that it lives in the water, after it is already on the river bank. Without our awareness of another world out there, it would never occur to us to change.