Every comedian is just doing the comedy they find funny. This is me and it's not clean in any way. I could get a lot more work on TV playing clean but it's never interesting.

Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

The thing about crazy people; they don't know they are crazy, that's what make them crazy.

I'm not scared of dying, because I'm an atheist. I won't even know I'm dead. You know why? Because I'll be fùckin' dead.

Christians are like a thirteen year old kid who still believes in Santa.

Here's the thing about people who believe in god... They're idiots.

We have a drinking game in Australia, it's called drinking.

Nobody cares that you're smart and nobody cares that your kids don't have bruises.

God built the world, but he did not know it was round.

I definitely think the formula to making my character seem sweet is to let him act like a jerk, give him a redeeming moment, and have a sweet song playing over the background when it happens.

I've never been the type of guy that had a lot of friends or was part of the cool group.

I'm avoiding tomorrow, by spending more time in today.

All my possessions for a moment of time.

All places are alike, and every earth is fit for burial.

Mitt Romney has made it clear that he believes that President Obama was born in the U.S.

It will be difficult to let go but it is going to happen sooner rather than later in my case.

In 5 billion years, the expansion of the universe will have progressed to the point where all other galaxies will have receded beyond detection.

Men of sound sense have Law for their god, but men without sense Pleasure.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Challenging behavior is just a signal, the fever, the means by which the kid is communicating that he or she is having difficulty meeting an expectation.

You get to a point where it's like you can't really do anything right, and people will pick on you for whatever decisions you make, so I just try and take no notice and get on with my music.