Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Love is an act of endless forgiveness

The last day is way shorter than counting to ten.

Overwork can cause a break down.

Those shows I did with Queen were pretty surreal. I was really excited and super-flattered, but intimidated at the same time.

Hypocrisy is the essence of snobbery, but all snobbery is about the problem of belonging.

The Continent will not suffer England to be the workshop of the world.

I'm very politically active, but that has nothing to do with my charity.

I don't believe in guilty pleasures. If I like it, I don't feel guilty about it

A society that's addicted to narratives with beginnings, middles, and endings will eventually yearn to end. We just want it to end.

I don't want to lose my accent, I just want it to become smaller.