Every imperfection you have as a man makes a sound as it knifes through satin sheets.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

Environmental cleanliness begins with each individual desire to be clean.

Like a prayer, that was how her name sounded on his lips. She took his face in her hands, finding his eyes blazing, his breathing as ragged as her own

...our brains are minuscule fragments of the universe, much too small to hold all the facts of the world but not too idle to speculate about them.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

One Christmas build-up tradition, however, has totally bypassed me - that of going up to town and 'doing a show.'

Screenplays aren't written to be read, they're written to be made into movies.

I imagine a future aircraft, which will take off vertically, fly as usual, and land vertically. This flying machine should have no moving parts. This idea came from the huge power of cyclones.

Demon, angel, all the same thing if you go back far enough, or cut deep enough.

Well, everybody does something, some people race cars, others collect stamps, I find tai chi to be philosophically, aesthetically, physically and spiritually fascinating.

I find it scary to sing - scarier than acting actually.