Every time someone says, 'You know, we really ought to get together,' if I were really honest, I would ask 'Why?'

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

The paralysis of potential is essential to the manufacturing of victims.

If you want to win, drop the past trends. Genius creates new trends and the crowd follows the past.

Actually, my correspondent's language is better than mine. He can put his sentiment into words.

When I dress up, I have to have a lot of help. I was in a T-shirt until a few minutes ago.

My sense of proprietorship has been so weak that actually I didn't pay attention and I lost the copyrights on a lot of the songs.

Time spent with poets is never wasted.

When you kneel in prayer, don't give God orders, just report to your Commander in Chief for duty.

It is perilously easy to have amazing sympathy with God's truth and remain in sin.

Be certain that in the religion of Love there are no believers and unbelievers. LOVE embraces all.

Now that I think about it, you’d have to be a glutton for punishment to keep coming near me given my acerbic personality where you’re concerned. (Tory)