Every video from Russia is depressing, it's like they have their cameras set to sad.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

Most people think everybody feels about them much more violently than they actually do they think other people's opinions of them swing through great arcs of approval or disapproval.

You've always been what you are. That's not new. What you'll get used to is knowing it.

No man is defeated without until he has first been defeated within.

I've got a new relationship and I'm trapped in this old life.

People want to see something that shows them you can do what you say. That's the trick.

There's nothing crazy about not letting our companies bring their money back into their country.

My friend, when a man has anything to tell in this world, the difficulty is not to make him tell it, but to prevent him from telling it too often.

I remember thinking, 'I'll audition just once and if it doesn't work out I'll never think about it ever again.'

No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.

I've never left music behind, but I've had success in television.