Every week when my batch of weekly cartoons would go to FedEx, it felt like a small miracle. Then in a few days, it's 'Here we go again.'

I don't believe in the concept of hell, but if I did I would think of it as filled with people who were cruel to animals.

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry'.

You always hear a headline like this, 'Man Killed By Shark', you never hear it from the other perspective, 'Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food'.

The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression.

It is a known fact that the sheep that give us steel wool have no natural enemies.

Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

You should always leave the party 10 minutes before you actually do.

The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen... The world's climates are changing, the mammals are taking over, and we all have a brain about the size of a walnut.

The fuel light's on, Frank! We're all going to die! Wait, wait... Oh, my mistake - that's the intercom light.

Hot oil! We need hot oil!... Forget the water balloons!

As if he conveyed by actions what he could never say in words. Would never say in words.

Sin has tarnished every area of life, and [Christ] wants to erase its stain everywhere.

The plays should have the half-life of plutonium.

I am not greedy of money myself, but the monotony of always screwing and paring is more tiresome than the monotony of riches.

When you're drunk, you always think you're not. If you even drink at all don't get behind the wheel.

I would encourage nonproprietary standards for tools and libraries.

One of the best ways to know you're completely wrong, is to behave as if you're complete right.

The process of building a part doesn't really stop.

The artist needs no religion beyond his work.

Silence and solitude are more distracting to me than chatter and commotion.