Every weekend, I would get the drunk driving lecture. Of course, Dad drank and drove all the time. I guess it wasn't a lecture; it was helpful tips from the master.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Future strong strives for simplicity for all:Least amount of individual effort, energy and time to create maximum impact by each person.

If god created hell, who will blame his followers for trying to establish it on earth

The symbolic language of the crucifixion is the death of the old paradigm resurrection is a leap into a whole new way of thinking.

You're the one who held me up Never let me fall

Never, never try to scope the market.

Just think, if I had understood my lawyer and if he and I had communicated properly in January 1958, this whole history would have been entirely different .

Two things I recognize, O Lord, in myself: Nature, which Thou hast made; Sin, which I have added.

It were worthwhile to die, if thereby a soul could be born again.

The biggest fear of my life is living. My second biggest fear is dying.

1. Don't be boring. 2. Be able to pass the airport test; be interesting enough to carry on a 3 hour conversation with a stranger. 3. When in doubt, do what you can never do again.