Everybody has their favorite character.That's the only way I pick, whatever is going on in society, whatever I think folks will laugh at that's what I come up with.

But the mechanics of learning to 'throw your voice' are pretty simple. Anyone with a tongue, an upper palate, teeth, and a normal speaking voice can learn ventriloquism.

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.

As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark.

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

I started in a business background, but then it was like, 'you know, I can't do math,' so I changed it to a liberal arts degree and got my Bachelor of Arts in Communications and it made sense.

I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.'

I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.

You never know how long your fifteen minutes of fame is going to last.

Your education is important because with only a few words you can show an employer the depth of your potential.

A coward is a man who'd rather live dead than die alive

To obey the serpent is to live in once upon a time glory of God

Acts which are essentially dishonourable must not be done; they would be justified only by calm contemplation of their correctness in abstract cases.

His place was always set at the table, in case he rturned from the dead without warning .

The devil does not tempt people whom he finds suitably employed.

What's the problem with 'never?' It keeps you from trying. It ensures that you will fail. End of story.

The love we most cherish will, of necessity, bring us pain. Because that love is like the setting of a body with broken bones. But I want to stage the setting. I want to direct all scenes.

Working with David Ayer...the guy is a great filmmaker.

My scholarly expectation is then that I may succeed in becoming clever in philosophy in spite of my stupidity.