Everybody is agreeing so tersely. I just had a flashback to the month before my parents finally admitted they were getting a divorce.

Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.

Don't judge me. I made a lot of money.

Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one.

I'm capable of living in the moment. And I'm especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people's moments.

I dislike Ted Cruz as much as the next everyone. But that's no reason to be rude to Ted's loving wife and possible hostage.

There's a danger zone if you take yourself too seriously. It's a terrible trap to fall into. I think it's the death of comedy.

It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting some blowback.

I continue to be very shy. I think a lot of actors and performers are really weird, shy people working it out onstage. I don't know why that is.

You don't want to be glib; you want to treat every story respectfully.

I grew up an only child, so I was so much more adult. My eldest daughter is 10, and I was so much more of an adult than she is. She just doesn't care for the real world. She's not interested.

... And the boy whose hair remained the color of lemons forever.

Smiling is confusing, she thought. This is why I don´t do it

There's never a beginning for eternity.

The feeling of being happy or unhappy rarely depends on our absolute state, but on our perception of the situation, on our capacity to be satisfied with what we have.

A wise man once said that next to losing its mother, there is nothing more healthy for a child than to lose its father.

there are dozens and dozens of ways to be a family ... Family tends to happen.

We try to make the sound hold as much relevance as it does on the record you know, we don't try and interpret it in a different way.

You cannot disgrace a disgraceful man; you cannot make a shameless man feel ashamed; you cannot make a cockroach a cockroach, because it is already a cockroach!

Most of the time pests and disease are just nature's way of telling the farmer he's doing something wrong.

Dhoni Is The Best Captain I Have Played Under