Everybody is wondering what Paris Hilton will be doing next, and hell, I'm wondering what she did before.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?

You cannot win everyday, but make sure u win, at-least once in a while.

The government is so out of control. It is so bloated and infested with fraud and deceit and corruption and abuse of power.

In every well-governed state wealth is a sacred thing; in democracies it is the only sacred thing.

I'm really not into that super-crazy-colour, smiley-faces-on-the-front-of-your-dress look. That's not my thing. You're not going to see me in pink. Or anything frilly. Or a tutu. Or bows.

I never want a fan to come and hear what they hear on their iPod, its about creating a unqiue and awesome experience.

I hope I'll never be is drunk with my own power.

If you continue to think the way you have always thought, you'll continue to get what you've always got. Is it enough?

I'm half-Welsh, half-Russian. My maternal grandmother is Russian. I've very much a mongrel, which is good in a way because it makes me quite a blank canvas.

In politics practically everything you hear is scandal, and besides, the funny thing is that the things they are whispering ain't half has bad as the things they have been saying right out loud.