Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

One day someone is going to read my autobiography and say “Wow, what a horror novel

My favorite rappers are Lil Wayne. I like Wayne.

No one gives Cameron Diaz a hard time for not speaking Spanish.

It's an unbelievably tight race for hideous today.

A plan is made for a few moves only, not for the whole game.

All of my films deal with the same thing: striving, socially and culturally, to stay alive.

I think Donald Trump has gotten China's attention to a degree that his predecessors have not that this is a very serious matter for the United States.

My only purpose is to teach children to rebel against authority figures.

I met Claxton on the set of The Cincinnati Kid.

I grew up in a culture in which it was a sin for a woman to speak out.