Everybody knows pretty much everything about me. I emptied all the skeletons out of my closet a long time ago.

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.

I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it's not even a challenge any more.

The world's No. 1 tennis player spends 90 percent of his time winning, while the world's No. 1 golfer spends 90 percent of his time losing. Golfers are great losers.

I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.

I don't suffer from a mental illness, I live with it.

I have a healthy disrespect for religion. I really do. When Columbus came to this country in 1492 he brought syphilis, diphtheria, tuberculosis, influenza and Christianity. The diseases were curable.

It's hard to tell who's going to win this week, but it probably won't be a big, fat guy.

The course is so long, I had to take the curvature of the Earth into consideration.

Worst haircut I've ever seen in my life. And I've had a few bad ones. It looks like he (John Daly) has a divot over each ear.

If god wanted people to believe in him, why'd he invent logic then?

Believers can search the Scriptures on their own, and allow the Word of God, coinciding with the Holy Spirit, to enlighten their understanding, and open their spiritual eyes.

Laughter is an affect resulting from the sudden transformation of a heightened expectation into nothing.

Happiness is when what you think what you say and what you do are in harmony.

We, while noting many things amiss about Victorian society, more often sense them judging us.

Possible things aren't worth much, it's those crazy impossible things that keep us passionate and alive.

Even when the facts are available, most people seem to prefer the legend, and refuse to believe the truth when it in any way dislodges the myth.

Judgment is more than skill. It sets forth on intellectual seas beyond the shores of hard indisputable factual information.

I tried to make a list of films where there's two men and one woman and I realized there's films like this everywhere.

Astrology is just a finger pointing at reality.

Oh, pilot! 'tis a fearful night, There's danger on the deep.