Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

There is the purity of love, harmonious in every way, but not meant for a lifetime, and then there is the steady love of commitment - no less real but completely different. She had both.

Don't let the blights from the past hold you back from the bliss of the future

Peace is possible, and it will take a miracle.

I was dead, and I hadn't even been able to attend my own funeral.

Why not learn to enjoy the little things-there are so many of them.

I want it to be more universal than that - like a painter doesn't have to explain his life story away to justify his painting.

God gave me eyes so that I might see you, and God gave you eyes, so that I might see myself.

I always wear beige, black or white. For one thing I look good in them. For another, when I'm beside a star at a fitting, and she looks into the mirror, I don't want to be competing in any way.

The Civil War was started over economic issues, not slavery. The War was not popular in the North until the issue of slavery was added at a later time to turn it into a moral crusade.

Whether something 'has color' or not is as hard to define verbally as are such questions as, 'What is music?' or 'What is musical?