Everybody laughs when fatty falls down.

In the land of the skunk the man with half a nose is king!

First off, I am 35 years old, I am divorced, and I live in a van down by the river.

I'm just dandy, I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants!

I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem.

Basically, I only play one character; I just play him at different volumes.

Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.

I want to live fast and die young.

I live in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.

Once I thought that if I just had enough in the bank, if I had enough fame, that it would be all right. But I'm a human being like everyone else. I'm not exempt.

The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer.

Calligraphy is a geometry of the soul which manifests itself physically.

Without discipline you would not go far in life.

You should be prepared for anything during divorce proceedings - even the truth.

There is no waste in the world that equals the waste from needless, ill-directed, and ineffective motions...

Real change happens bit by bit. It takes great effort to become effortless at anything. There are no quick fixes.

Everyone should understand that when they add their friends to Facebook, they are doing free work for United States intelligence agencies in building this database for them.

We released 400,000 classified documents, the most extraordinary history of a war to ever have been released in our civilization. Those documents cover 109,000 deaths. That is serious matter.

They come for you in the morning in a limousine; they take you to the studio; they stick a pretty girl in your arms... They call that a profession? Come on!

Yeah, sometimes life really sucks. But you know what I'm holding on for? The moments that don't suck. The trick is to notice them when they come around.