Everybody's funny in different ways.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

Whatever the cost of our libraries, the price is cheap compared to that of an ignorant nation.

But you're like me, ” he says. “An outsider. Different. A freak. We're both weird, which is why we get along.

T.G.T.B.T: too good to be true.

I don’t regret or fear my problems and roadblocks. They have made me brave and given me the opportunity to overcome them.

Shakespeare: …the best way to peace is to have a still and quiet conscience. Or none at all, thought Gamache.

Come, my pretender, my fritter, my bubbler, my chicken biddy! Oh succulent one, it is but one turn in the road and I would be a cannibal!

One is wise to cultivate the tree that bears fruit in our soul.

I'm like the universe; either expanding or contracting at any given moment. The most that I had put on was about 35, 36 pounds, and I've taken all of that off.

Having guts always works out for me.

Putting it as strongly as I can, the failure to give free airtime for our political campaigns endangers our democracy.