Everybody says before reviews come out, 'Oh, reviews don't matter,' just in case they're bad; everyone want to brace themselves.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

It'll always be dark until you decide to turn on the light, you can and you will, it's your choice!

If you're gonna be a failure at least be one at something you enjoy.

My best stories come out of nowhere, with no concern for form at all.

The ablest men in all walks of modern life are men of faith. Most of them have much more faith than they themselves realize.

The only way to stop Jim Brown was to give him a movie contract.

If you've led a rather bohemian and rackety life, as I have, it's precisely the cancer that you'd expect to get. That's a bit of a yawn.

History is now strictly organized, powerfully disciplined, but it possesses only a modest educational value and even less conscious social purpose.

Big Brother is home. He is installed in the item you just dragged home from the Apple store.

What makes you tough is your mindset and I believe anyone can be tough.

A private central bank issuing the public currency is a greater menace to the liberties of the people than a standing army. We must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt.