Everybody winds up kissing the wrong person good-night.

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.

The best thing about a picture is that it never changes, even when the people in it do.

I always thought I'd like my own tombstone to be blank. No epitaph, and no name. Well, actually, I'd like it to say 'figment.'

Don't think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art.

Sometimes the little times you don't think are anything while they're happening turn out to be what marks a whole period of your life.

You have to do stuff that average people don't understand because those are the only good things.

I smoke pot because I want to go to heaven before I die

Fashion wasn't what you wore someplace anymore; it was the whole reason for going.

It’s not what you are that counts, it’s what they think you are.

Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.

They should install elevators in this place. What if they turned a handicapped person into a vampire? Talk about your discrimination lawsuit waiting to happen.

Everyone assumes writers spend their time lounging around, writing and occasionally striking a pose whilst having a think.

It's easy to judge only on the superficial. It takes a lot more time and work to truly understand.

Passing a tough resolution or threatening Iran will not bring about the desired outcome.

We're spending money that we don't have to solve a problem that doesn't exist at the behest of people we didn't elect.

Romans 6 - Our flesh is the instrument that Satan works through. When we say no to the flesh, we say no to the devil.

I run a tight ship, but I try and make it seem like I'm not doing that at all.

When we find someone who is brave, fun, intelligent, and loving, we have to thank the universe.

Bullying new comics at open mic nights? NOT ON MY WATCH!

Life is too short to wonder where you hid your waffle maker.