Everybody worships me, it's nauseating.

Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar; never spread it about like marmalade.

It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

There's always something fishy about the French.

Mona Lisa looks as if she has just been sick, or is about to be.

I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise.

Work is much more fun than fun.

A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

For gin, in cruel sober truth, supplies the fuel for flaming youth.

Work hard, do the best you can, don't ever lose faith in yourself and take no notice of what other people say about you.

You will know you're old when you cease to be amazed.

The knowledge of anything, since all things have causes, is not acquired or complete unless it is known by its causes.

There are no honest poems about dead women.

I won a really big fellowship to go straight on to get my Ph.D. And I went through agonies of indecision, and then I decided not to accept it. I just decided I didn't want to be an academic.

What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.

May you stay Forever Young

Friends are the family that you choose.

While I am impulsive in many areas of my life, marriage is not one of them.

Their moral influence will then do infinitely more to advance the true interests of religion, than any measures which they may call on Congress to enact.

Don't try to write what other people are writing - write what is true to you.

Revelations are found in clouds.