Everyone in comedy thinks if you go to the U.S. you become a global star but, unfortunately, I've always been a bit anti-American - so I never did.

By puberty I learned that nothing worth having could be easily attained and to succeed one must be single minded.

As long as we prioritize material truths over spiritual truths we will live in tyranny because we are living an illusion

You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

I get fixated when I'm bleeding -- I can see why they went in for blood-letting in the medieval times because it makes you feel a bit better. When I cut myself, the drama of it calms me down.

A library doesn't need windows. A library is a window.

There are two types of people in this world: one who opens a packet of biscuits, has one and puts the rest back in the cupboard, and one who eats the whole packet in one go.

The bad-boy label is just an assumption.

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society.

The innkeeper loves the drunkard but not for a son-in-law.

Because I'm the author of my screenplays I know what I'm looking for. It's true that I can be stubborn in demanding that I get what I want, but it's also a question of working with patience and love.

Time will end all my troubles, but I don't always approve of Time's methods.

I've never heard God speak out loud to me. That's not an experience I have had.

The traveler was active; he went strenuously in search of people, of adventure, of experience. The tourist is passive.

Just imagine how suggestive things are.

I don't go to the gym because I don't have time, but I do pilates workout DVDs for 20 minutes or more every day at home.

If true happiness depended on the thoughts of man, then all philosophers and deep thinkers would be filled to overflowing with it.

I am filled with awe that filmmakers have the capacity to stir us and give us back a sense of wonder.

Some of these bulls are gonna' spin those cowboys so fast, they'll look like a frog in a blender.