Everyone looks so much better when they smile.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Hope is a tree of happiness.

Canned music is like audible wallpaper.

I've found the best way is to not be scared of the attention but to be grateful for it and open to it. It makes my days better rather than being annoyed that people want my attention.

Yes, anally retentive men are my forte!

Money is always there but the pockets change; it is not in the same pockets after a change, and that is all there is to say about money.

The most merciful thing a large family can do to one of its infant members is to kill it.

I have somewhat [Taylor's or Gallagher's guitars], but I like the power of the Martins.

You and I and everything in the universe are that Absolute, not parts, but the whole. You are the whole of that Absolute, and so are all others, because the idea of part cannot come into it.

I want to help people with depression understand that there is hope, so that they can get the help they need to live rich, fulfilling lives.

She obeys me, but only because she wants to. It's the only justification for obedience, Ged observed.