Everyone's a racist. It's the one thing that makes us all the same.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Measure what can be measured, and make measurable what cannot be measured.

The cracks in old friendships are measured in awkward pauses.

God’s power and love don’t fade, nor does His presence, but we cannot tap into it as fully when we don’t have praise and worship toward Him in our heart

God doesn't want you to be happy, He wants you to be strong.

I love horror, I love scary movies, I love thrillers. If things creep you out and spook you? I love it.

My obsessions tend to cluster, so I often have families of poems in which only a couple of them make it to the book. It can be satisfying to banish poems to my "crappy poems" file.

Dyin' ain't much of a living, boy.

Mother Teresa was asked what was the meaning of life, and she said to help other people, and I thought, 'What a strange thing to say' - but maybe it's the right thing to say.

The once red leaf, the last of its clan, that dances as often as dance it can.

A man who has been the indisputable favorite of his mother keeps for life the feeling of a conqueror.