Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.

That is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.

I hate that when people are like, "Well, all dwarves know each other, right?" And you want to get mad, but you can't because we do.

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true.

I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.

I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.

Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal

Since childhood at my mother's knee, I have believed in honor, ethics and right living as its own reward. I find a very small minority who agree with me on that premise.

While we have prisons it matters little which of us occupy the cells.

If you come across an American artist right now who has no political opinions or is afraid of talking politics, be very concerned.

In many ways, a degree in the history of ideas is the ideal training for an aspiring writer.

you might not be the first person l kissed, but you will be the last' Jamie to Claire in Outlander (not word perfect)

All see, and most admire, the glare which hovers round the external happiness of elevated office.

Sometimes I sit and think and other times I just sit.

To meditate an injury is to commit one.