Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Ursula craved solitude but she hated loneliness

But your perfectly good bed doesn’t come with a blanket of stars.

If everybody followed the rules, nothing would ever change. Without change there would be no progress

We must still think of ourselves as pioneers to understand the importance of space.

When I travel officially... and when I travel on a private basis, I have protection that is less suffocating. But I am protected everywhere.

I beseech you, one and all, to add your prayers to mine to the end that war and bloodshed cease, and that love, friendship, peace and unity reign in the world.

We start off wearing frilly shirts and britches and being good guys and the heroes. And then as time goes on, every English actor ends up playing bad guys. That's what we do.

The duty that we owe to the Universe is our religion.

It's always convenient for certain people to heap accusations on Israel.