Everyone takes fashion so seriously! It's fashion - enjoy it!

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

I'd never been a good damsel in distress. I was a "hands-on" damsel.

Nashville has always been competitive. My granddaddy called it the Hillbilly Babylon.

We are called to love - it is our home.

Regardless of your upbringing orformative experiences, it is never toolate to start believing in yourself.

If you have a fat brother or sister you might be American.

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done

London is like a girlfriend I loved, then really fell out with.

Those who have a heart to do good, never need complain for want of opportunity.

All through the night, like the tumult of a river when it races between the cliffs of a canyon, in my sleep I could hear the steady roar of the passing army.

I will do what it takes to help Ed Miliband win general election.