Everyone tries to get you to dance at clubs. They come up to you and say "You gotta dance! you gotta dance!" And then I dance, and they're like, "Not like that!"

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

Perhaps I was drawn to stories in which people found their true desires because I was a stranger to myself.

Imagination is a very potent thing, and in the uneducated often usurps the place of genuine experience.

I am a huge animal lover. I prefer to rescue any of the pets that I have had.

Sometimes I'll say, "When Sandy Bullock and I were doing Speed - the movie, not the drug." Just in case someone's listening.

You do not play then at whist, sir? Alas, what a sad old age you are preparing for yourself!

Talent, I believe, is most likely to be found among nonconformists, dissenters, and rebels.

Because my movies are not successful, they are not shown. So I make a living from the budget.

I'd like to say I'm one of the tight ends here and I hope this week helps me show that I do have the talent to be considered that.

The 2013/14 storms & floods show the UK needs to invest in a climate resilient, low carbon, food secure, full employment, positive future

Be joyful because it is humanly possible.