Everything I do on stage, I made up in saloons. I started doing it in front of people, and that became my performance. I never had writers.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

No elevator of progress with wells of prejudices. (Pas d'ascenseur de progrès - Avec puits de préjugés.)

There seems to be three ways for a nation to acquire wealth: the first is by war...this is robbery; the second by commerce, which is generally cheating; the third by agriculture, the only honest way.

You've been hurt before, I can see it in your eyes. You try to smile it away, some things you can't disguise.

I feel more comfortable in front of a camera than anywhere else.

The next movement is still in the factory.

If we do what is necessary, all the odds are in our favor.

A real artist is the one who has learned to recognize and to render... the 'radiance' of all things as an epiphany or showing forth of the truth.

People don't actually read newspapers - they get into them every morning like a hot bath.

Pausing a few beats allows the spectators time to savor the experience of the miracle that has just occurred.

Writing is not a genteel profession. It's quite nasty and tough and kind of dirty.