Everything happens for a reason, except possibly football. (in Thief of Time)

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

God is limited by our ignorance.

Find peace in knowing.

Thou seekest disciples? Then thou seekest ciphers.

Being drafted by the Montreal Canadiens, that was the greatest moment in my career. And stealing the Stanley Cup in 1978 and bringing it back to my hometown of Thurso.

I have never believed that my limitations were in any sense punishments or accidents. If I had held such a view, I could never have expected the strength to overcome them.

Peace equals ability to handle conflict, with empathy, nonviolence, and creativity.

Whether Pacquiao loses in the first round, whether he knocks out Mayweather in the first round, it's still going to be the biggest fight in history.

Wanting to quit is a sign of success because it means you have something to quit; but don't quit.

Stephon Marbury is the bomb. He is going to be so good.

Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird.