Everything is optional. Somethings are illegal. And some things are really gross.

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

During a heat wave every dude stinks.

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Goodfellow snickered."Wouldn't be any fun if we didn't run into some sort of catastrophe." Pulling his dagger, he waved me on."After you, your highness.Puck to Ash

False conversions are a wart on the face of Christian evangelism.

I think Captain Cousteau might be the father of the environmental movement.

The eye is not open when it is limited to the passive role of a mirror... if it has only the capacity to reflect.

A faith is that which is able to survive a mood.

I guess if your heart's in the right place, the trash can go anywhere.

If you do nothing there will be no results

The Spartans say that any army may win while it still has legs under it; the real test comes when all strength is fled and the men must produce victory on will alone.

There's never been a better time to be an NBA owner